First Miracle and then Faith . . .
Like too many women, especially women of color, Destiny didn’t feel heard when she was in the hospital. Admitted for the last two months of her pregnancy, the mama-to-be was pregnant with twins. Considered especially high-risk, her twins were Mono-mono twins, also known as monochorionic-monoamniotic or MCMA twins. Presenting in roughly 1% of twin pregnancies, this rare condition occurs when both babies share the same placenta and amniotic sac. Mono-mono twins face increased risks with the potential for severe complications. To make matters more complicated, one of Destiny’s babies, Miracle, was identified in-utero as requiring significant medical intervention upon birth. The worries mounted.
And yet, when Destiny, at 31 weeks, began telling various medical professionals at the hospital that she was leaking, her concerns were brushed off. Finally, 24 hours later, the care team checked and realized that Destiny’s water had broken. Not only that, but she was already 6cm dilated and needed to deliver immediately.
Shortly thereafter, her precious twins were born. First Miracle and then Faith.
Awash with love . . .
Destiny didn’t know how she would feel when she first saw Miracle. But she need not have worried. “All I saw was a tiny baby, my baby. I looked at her and felt awash with love.”
Both Faith and Miracle were cared for in the NICU. “It takes a lot to adjust to life in NICU,” Destiny told me. “It’s noisy. There are so many different providers and everything is beeping. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed – especially at first.”
At just seven days old, baby Miracle underwent surgery. After this, it appeared she was responding well, that the road ahead looked positive. Then everything changed.
Just one day later doctors were asking Destiny and her partner Neal if they should perform compressions. But they were told that the compressions would likely break Miracle’s fragile little body. “We really couldn’t answer that. How could we answer such a question? But finally, we said no. We chose to keep our little girl whole.”
Eight days after coming into the world, Miracle passed away.
Memories of Miracle . . .
Destiny is grateful for the organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep who came in and offered professional pictures so that she and Neal would always have them to help preserve the memory of their daughter.
Losing a child is unimaginably painful. But Baby Faith was still in the NICU receiving care. Destiny couldn’t go home to grieve. Instead, she had to stay in that same confusing, overwhelming place. She had to return to the NICU the day after her daughter died and see a new baby in the isolette that had, until hours before, held her baby. She had to grieve and still hold on for her daughter Faith.
Faith received our donor milk after she was born, while Destiny worked to build her milk supply, something that is especially challenging when babies are born early. Donor milk is uniquely protective for very low birthweight babies. It is the gold standard of care in the vast majority of NICUs across the country.
“I was grateful for the support before I got my milk supply up. I knew my babies needed it.”
The light that remains . . .
While Destiny may have been all too aware of Miracle’s passing, her body wasn’t. She was still producing enough milk for two babies. This realization helped her conclude that she needed to donate her milk, to give this gift that was Miracle’s; to share it so it would be a miracle for another baby. Another baby who was struggling, another baby in need of a lifeline.
“I donated my milk in memory of Miracle. And I chose Mothers’ Milk Bank Northeast because they understood that and helped me donate in her honor. I gave this gift that should have been my daughter’s to another family who desperately needed it for their baby.”
Sometimes loss provides drive, provides purpose. It brings into focus certain needs in the world, needs that you can fulfill. Losing Miracle did that for Destiny. It shone a light on the need for safe nourishment for medically fragile babies and encouraged her to give the life affirming gift of milk. But Destiny’s drive didn’t end there.
She founded the Miracle 8 foundation, named for her daughter who lived for 8 days. The foundation seeks to support other families experiencing the loss of a pregnancy, or a beloved infant, as well as those struggling in the NICU. Destiny has reframed her loss and challenges to become a line of hope and care for others.
Faith is a healthy, happy two-year-old now. She is the light that remains. As she grows and becomes all that she is meant to be, Destiny delights in that joy. All the while, she holds tight to the memory of the beloved little girl she wishes was also growing by her side . . .
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Learn More
Each year, our lifesaving donor milk brings hope, healing, and health to over 17,000 families. And for those who choose to share the gift of their milk, the act of giving often offers profound solace. This is especially true for parents who have experienced the loss of a beloved infant and/or pregnancy. To learn more about donating milk after loss, or how you can support our work, please click below.
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