Jessica’s home is bursting at the seams with life and love. Seriously, it is literally bursting at the seams. When I talk with her, one-year-old Elias is careening around while she sits on the floor, surrounded by toys. Another mom is in the background with her baby in tow. Somewhere out of view there are four dogs. Four dogs. In the year since Elias was born, Jessica and her husband, Erik, have cared for three foster babies under the age of six months. “My world thrives in chaos,” Jessica tells me with her infectious laugh. “It’s when the world gets quiet that life falls apart.”
Jessica’s world has gone quiet before.
Going quiet . . .
In 2022, Jessica and her husband were ready to start their family. When things didn’t work the old-fashioned way, they began IVF treatment. Right away Jessica became pregnant with boy/girl twins, Caleb and Paisley. Her pregnancy progressed smoothly throughout the first trimester. Then, in the second trimester, complications emerged. Jessica remembers hearing for the first time the words, “threatened miscarriage,” – words that sent chills through her.
At just 19 weeks, Jessica’s water broke. Ultimately, both Caleb and Paisley had to be delivered. They were too small and too early to survive. Suddenly, the chaos subsided. Gone was the anticipation of bringing two tiny humans home in a few months; Jessica’s world had grown quiet.
Jessica went through two more rounds of IVF in a short period. She lost the next pregnancy at five weeks and the subsequent one at four weeks.
Building a family . . .
She and Erik decided to explore becoming foster parents and potentially adopting – something they had always planned to do after having biological children. Perhaps this was how they were meant to build a family from the start, they thought.
Shortly after they began training to become foster parents, Jessica became pregnant naturally with Elias. Surprise! After so much loss, they weren’t sure what to expect and decided to continue with the licensing process to become foster parents. But lo and behold, this pregnancy progressed beautifully, and nine months later, Elias joined their family – healthy and strong.
Love beyond loss – honoring the hardest goodbye . . .
After losing her twins, Jessica joined a loss support group. There she made a friend who had also lost one of her own twins. This mom shared that she was a milk donor. She donated in honor of the little boy she lost. She told Jessica, “I love donating my milk. I feel like I’m feeding my own son by caring for those tiny babies in the NICU who need this milk.” Jessica was so moved by this idea that she immediately knew she wanted to become a milk donor if she could.
“When I picture my twins, I remember how tiny they were. If they had lived, they would have needed NICU care. They might have been those little babies needing donor milk in the hospital. That’s when I decided that if I could donate, I would. I would donate as part of remembering them.”
I ask Jessica about parenting her little boy while also being a foster parent. She tells me that once they had been approved as a foster family, it just made sense to open their doors a little wider and embrace parenting Elias, as well as caring for children who need temporary homes. She and Erik love being foster parents. “Someone needs to take care of these babies,” she says, “and I’m glad to be that someone. I’m glad to know that while they are with me, they are loved, safe, and well.”
I ask her what it’s like to immerse herself in caring for a baby who will eventually leave. I ask her how she protects a heart that has already endured such loss.
“I’ve already said the hardest goodbye,” she tells me, referring to losing Paisley and Caleb before they even had a chance to experience this world.
A life affirming gift . . .
Baby Elias pushes a toy along the carpet before stopping for a quick snuggle. Then, just as quickly, he jumps back into play. Jessica laughs again as she talks about the fullness of each day. “This is just my life. It’s chaos, but it works.”
Jessica’s milk is headed our way, and we’re beyond grateful. Our team will carefully store it, batch it with milk from other approved donors, pasteurize it, have it screened by a third-party lab and then ship it off to the hospitals and families who need it most. With this, Jessica has joined our collective of generous moms who are supporting families and babies with a uniquely precious and life-affirming gift.
Jessica calls her life crazy. She says it’s pure chaos. But we say she’s a hero.
Safe. Trusted. Lifesaving.
Did you know that Mothers’ Milk Bank Northeast is one of the largest HMBANA-accredited nonprofit milk banks in the country? Serving 116 hospitals and outpatient dispensaries, we’re proud to provide safe donor human milk to babies in need. Learn more about our lifesaving work by reading our impact report.
Deepest thanks to the incredible team at Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep for capturing this photo of Jessica, Erik, and their beloved twins, Caleb and Paisley. For more trusted resources, please click here.
